I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
