So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My cat gives me a boner
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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