Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
