so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They took my balls.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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