is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I smell like Dick and happiness
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