I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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