Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
