What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
where am i from again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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