i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
