Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize