I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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