take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
