I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
