He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
