Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
