Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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