You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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