trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
