Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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