sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
