I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
