Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
