I met the friendliest cop last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
