Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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