My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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