I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
