clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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