thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
