I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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