im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
