holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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