I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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