I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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