My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need water and some morals
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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