We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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