The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
