Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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