just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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