What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
