I hate all girls vehemently.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
