I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why are your pants in the freezer?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
