You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
