Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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