She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish you could order shots online.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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