in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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