i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I didn't notice because vodka
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
