i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
