in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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