She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
