...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
