there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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