It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
