suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
